Life tends to throw difficult decisions at us, and sometimes we have to make these decisions without giving in to our emotions. Don’t get me wrong; emotions are important, but sometimes they can affect our decisions and the time we take to make them. We’ve all made decisions we regret because of emotions such as anger, fear, happiness, sadness, and even disgust. It might be something as simple as an angry outburst or something that affects significant areas of your life, such as relationships, finances, and even your health. Such decisions tend to affect you and those around you, which is we need a solution for navigating emotionally charged situations.
It also applies to insight; we can sometimes lose perspective when overwhelmed with emotions. Thus, it’s important to learn how to regulate our emotions and sometimes even set them aside when making certain decisions. We can achieve this through self-distancing, a concept you might hear in therapy alongside self-love, self-awareness, and self-care.
This text discusses self-distancing to help individuals understand what it is and why they need it. We have also provided some self-distancing techniques you can use for appropriate situations.
Psychological/Self-Distancing Definition
Self-distancing means being able to assess yourself, your thoughts, and your beliefs from an external perspective rather than as an active participant. It involves distancing yourself from egocentric bias to assess events or the emotions you face.
We all have an egocentric bias that makes us rely on our perspective alone on an issue. It explains why it’s easy to underestimate or ignore the views others have on an issue.
Self-distancing is not a new concept in psychology. Aaron Beck, the inventor of cognitive behavioural therapy, viewed distancing as “the ability to view one’s thoughts as constructions of reality instead of as reality itself.” Ethan Kross and Ozlem Ayduk built on it in their book, “Advances in Experimental Social Psychology,” where they explained that psychological distancing is meant to help people step back from an experience to assess it and work through it properly.
Types of Perspectives Concerning Self-Distancing
Self-distancing can occur in two main perspectives.
Self-Immersed Perspective
A self-immersed perception is a perspective where the self-analysing of an experience is identical to the self who experienced it. You can use it when thinking about a situation that you’ve experienced.
Self-Distanced Perspective
Self-distanced perception separates the self-analysing of an event from the self who has experienced it. It can be viewed as choosing to see an experience how you would if it was someone else experiencing it. However, viewing the experience from another person’s eyes offers a different perspective because they are psychologically removed from it.
An Example of Self-Distancing
We have compiled some examples to help you better understand some forms of self-distancing. The first is a study on self-talk, which is people’s internal monologue when thinking.
Researchers discovered that there are ways to encourage psychological distancing when you’re thinking. For example, call yourself by your name or use pronouns in the second person. For example, “What will this achieve, Alex” instead of “What will I achieve from this?”
Pronouns such as “you” instead of “I” will also provide a similar effect. Studies inferred that the above change in linguistics promotes your psychological distance from the experience, affecting how emotionally invested you are in an experience.
In one study, researchers conducted an experiment where they asked two groups of individuals to remember two deeply personal experiences, one where they felt anger and the other where they felt anxious.
Group A was to use the first person and ask themselves, “Why did I feel like this?” Group B would then call themselves by name or use the second person and ask: “Why did Alex feel like that?” Or “Why did you feel like this?”
The results showed that the individuals from group B were more able to emotionally distance themselves from experience than group A.
The Importance of Psychological Distancing
Self-distance has some major benefits related to decision-making and problem-solving. Here are some of them.
Helps One Gain Perspective
When we create space between ourselves and the situation, we can view the situation from a broader perspective. For example, if you are arguing with your partner over a chore, you might think, “they are angry with me for forgetting to rinse this plate.” But once you step back and create some space from the situation, you might realise that maybe they feel they are not being listened to.
Results in Appropriate Response/Decisions
Psychological distancing also helps you assess and identify the appropriate responses for different situations. You can make less biased judgements through self-distance because they will be less emotionally charged. Normally, most people use an egocentric mindset, often resulting in a heated response. However, people who practice self-distancing will have a “colder” and more rational response.
Boosts Creativity
The practice of psychological distancing helps develop creativity. When you become used to taking a step back and viewing a problem from a broader perspective, you create better solutions. It’s because you become better at ignoring the restrictive parameters that limit solutions.
Helps to Manage Difficult Memories From the Past
It becomes easier to look back and cope with some of the difficult events of your past life. Through psychological distancing, you are able to limit the length of the negative thoughts and feelings brought up by your past. While it can help with navigating some problematic memories, it’s better to find a counsellor or therapist to help you work through your past.
Encourages Better Handling of Emotions
Psychological distancing encourages individuals to cope better with their emotions. It helps enhance their self-reflection to “adaptive,” which encourages the positive handling of difficult emotions, such as:
- Anger
- Sadness
- Jealousy
- Rejection
- Loneliness
How to Find and Develop Self-Distance
Now that we’ve discussed the various benefits of psychological distancing, the remaining concern is how we develop it. Here are some tools you can use.
Distanced Self-Talk
As mentioned earlier, start addressing yourself in the second person in your thoughts. It should help develop a less emotional approach to your thought processes.
Pretend You’re Speaking to a Friend
You are likely to come up with better solutions by imagining you are advising a friend facing the issue you are.
Imagine You’re Someone You Idolise
Picture the decision from the standpoint of an individual you adore. Then, ask yourself what they would do in such a situation and work from there.
Develop a Ritual
Start a meaningful daily ritual that involves something you can do repetitively. It helps give you a sense of control. Some workable rituals include:
- Meditation
- Praying
- Working out
Mental Time Travel
Think about the situation from the perspective of a future you, who has to deal with the consequences. It should help navigate some emotionally charged situations.
Final Thoughts
There are always ways to improve and become better versions of ourselves, and self-distancing is among them. However, we understand that it is not a one-fix for all types of tools, and the information alone might not be enough for some. So you should remember that you don’t have to do it all alone. Counselling is a great way to find someone to guide you and help you navigate your troubles.
